Thought #2

Stopped into a church I passed along the way
Well I got down on my knees and I began to pray...

I was talking to the man at the front of the church who was directing people to the xmas tree display, which was really cool- all of the local businesses had a small tree decorated however they wanted and had little descriptions of it. Anyway, I asked the man if the display would be up for long, and he said no, so I said, oh dear, I have to take it all in now. And then I realized for the first time that this is my first Christmas away from home. He asked me where "home" was, and I said "California", and for some reason I started to cry. Maybe it was that the choir practicing in the back of the church began to sing a carol in four part harmony, and it made me miss choir so so so much. Maybe it was the realization that I'm really far away from home for one of my favorite holidays. Or maybe it was realizing that even though I'm far away from home I feel like I'm exactly where I should be. That I'm becoming the adult, the woman, that I know is really me, and it's not as scary as the me back in California thought it would be.

California has been my home for 22 years, and it will always be fond in my memories as the stage of my childhood and adolescence; but now I feel I'm really becoming an adult, creating a new me, and suddenly California is just too small. Only a handful of people know this, but when I get back to the states, I'm not staying in California. I need to really continue my growth in a new place. Like... moving in with Jackie in Minneapolis. It doesn't matter that it actually feels winter there. What matters is that it's not living in Piedmont.

That is, if I ever come back to the states...
*evil smile*